7 things to remember when you start a new relationship

• Posted on February 12, 2015February 12, 2015
• by Nana Kwesi Coomson
• Comment

IT feels so exciting when you fall in love and start a new relationship! New relationships are about hope, some expectations and fresh feelings. But sometimes a new relationship collapses when they hardly starts. I’ve been thinking about all my relationships, both successful and not so successful, and I’ve come to the conclusion that a good start determines the further outcome of your relationship. When you just start dating someone it’s very easy to make mistakes and scary the person away. Sure, every relationship is highly individual and unique, but here some universal tips to remember when you start a new relationship.

1. Don’t pursue your boyfriend

I always found it difficult. When I fall in love with someone I want to spend every second with this person to get to know him better. I become literally obsessed with the guy and it’s often the main cause of all my unsuccessful relationships. Such an excessive attention is the sure way to frighten the person off. Try to avoid calling him every hour or typing romantic messages if you’ve just started dating. Guys love when a girl can take the first step, but they cannot stand when the girl is persistent or even annoying. On the other hand, try not to hold him back. Avoid these two extremes and find the golden mean in your communication.

2. Don’t pretend to be someone else

When you like someone it’s natural that you want reciprocity. You want to gain the person’s approval and try hard to correspond to his expectations and preferences. However, you cannot make a different version of yourself. Sooner or later you’ll get tired to play this game and when he gets to know your true self, it’ll break your partner’s heart. When you pretend to be someone else, your guy cannot appreciate your real personality. Try to be honest and open from the very beginning.

3. Your new boyfriend isn’t your previous one

Never ever try to compare your current boyfriend with your previous ones. Moreover, you should never discuss your previous relationships with your guy. It’s the easiest way to make him suspicious and jealous about all your male friends, which will surely lead to a breakdown. This rule works both ways. While you should keep silent about your previous guys, try not to ask him about his girlfriends as well. You don’t really need to know the person’s past to get to know him better. While dating him you’ll have plenty of opportunities to see everything with your own eyes.

4. Avoid being too fast

You’ve just started dating, but you’re already imagining your wedding and a happy family with 3 kids and a dog. Wait for a second, aren’t you too fast? Don’t cherish illusions as for your common future; everything is very uncertain at the beginning of your relationship and you still need a lot of time to explore each other. If you hint that you have some plans as for your future, be sure your relationship won’t go too far. I’ve noticed that most of my successful relationships occurred when I thought I had no chances with the guy. Remember that your relationship should develop its natural way. Your boyfriend shouldn’t tell you ‘I love you’ on the third date.

5. Don’t be the center of attention

When you want to impress your new boyfriend, you can go too far boasting about your personality, interests, hobbies or whatever else. However, you can get too tiresome and boring. Instead, try to talk about his personality. Take an interest in his work, hobbies, family and past. When he’s talking about something, be a careful and active listener. Guys will never tell you that, but they like to be complimented! Compliments will raise his self-esteem and dignity. Say some kind words about his achievements or personal qualities.

6. Don’t gather information

If you have common friends, don’t try to question them about your boyfriend. This is of crucial importance when it comes to his previous girls and relationships. If your guy finds out that (be sure he’ll find out), you will have a great difficulty trying to explain the situation to him. You shouldn’t rely on his social accounts either. What the person pretends to be online and what the person actually is are two totally different things. The best way to understand your partner is communication and spending time together.

7. Don’t be a perfectionist

Many relationships fail simply because you expect too much from the person. Several years ago I composed the list of features I expected from my potential boyfriend. There were nearly fifteen traits of character, if I’m not mistaken. No wonder all my relationships collapsed very soon since I was too high-maintenance and any man could hardly satisfy my needs. However, I’ve realized that I’m not ideal either, so it’s rather dishonest to expect perfection from someone else. Both of you are human beings and it’s natural that you have some shortcomings and imperfections.

A new relationship always gives you a chance to start everything anew. Even though the outcome of your relationship depends on many factors, you can still do a lot to make a good start. Follow the aforementioned tips if you want to start a successful relationship and get married. What are some lessons you’ve learned from your past relationships?

-womanitely