How to make your relationship last

This might be a harsh lesson, but it also gives you inner freedom. If you want to make a relationship work then focus on being the source of love for yourself first. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot expect that someone else could love you completely. It just doesn’t work this way. You only attract people who reflect back to you where you stand energetically.

2. Don’t lose yourself in the partner

When we find a partner, we feel so happy that it’s very easy to forget about what we want and need. We might compromise who we are to spend more time with them. Longer into the relationship, we get used to doing things together. It makes sense. Everyone has been there.

This is especially true for women. I have a saying: An unhappy woman means an unhappy relationship and family. Thus it’s not helping anyone when you’re all the time available and forget about the things that make your heart sing. Remember that a great relationship starts with you.

3. Take ownership of your own mess

Everyone has different experiences and beliefs. We carry our baggage of unhealed issues anywhere we go. But somehow, strangely, many of us expect that once we’re in a relationship, we can hand over our baggage to the other person, and they’ll help us carry it. So we blame the other person when things don’t go our way, or we don’t feel good.

But the other person IS NOT the source of your issues. Yes, they trigger them, and sometimes very well, but they only mirror back to you any unhealed wounds so you can release them. We’ve all received some negative treatment from family, school, society, ex-partners, etc. But the pain doesn’t disappear by itself because it’s a stuck energy in your system that you have to let go consciously. Otherwise, it stays there and keeps attracting similar painful moments until you choose to heal it.

4. Be like an open book

Although there are many tips on how to stay mysterious and keep the attraction, if you want to create a lasting relationship build on trust, then forget them. Another killer of relationships is assumptions. When you don’t communicate precisely what you want, think and need, your partner will assume what it is. And that leads to misunderstandings. The same is true vice versa. If they don’t tell you exactly how things are then your mind naturally goes into some negative scenarios.

Good communication is vital. Always say what you exactly want and feel. Even if you don’t know. When you feel bad without any apparent reason, instead of replying “nothing” when your partner asks how you are, say; “I feel bad, but I’m unsure why. This feeling started a couple of days ago, but it has nothing to do with us. Please, give me some time to figure it out.” This is more precise than saying just “nothing” even if you aren’t sure yourself what is going on.

5. Don’t try to own them

Your partner doesn’t belong to you. Even if you’ve been together for 30 years. No one belongs to us. The truth is that we were born alone and we’re going to leave this world alone. Thus the only person you’ll ever be with, all the time, is you. Your partner also has own hobbies and dreams. And, as well as you, they should also follow their heart and do what they love. Any (hidden or not) control is like a poison for both of you.

6. Support them

Be the biggest cheerleader for your partner. When they’re happy, your relationship will be more at ease and mutually supportive. I don’t know anything worse than a person burying their dreams and then looking back at some point feeling depressed that they didn’t do what they wanted.

If you love your partner, then you want them to do whatever makes them happy and create a supportive environment. The bonus part is that when they work on their dreams, it’s a time for you also to do what you love.

Source: Your Tango